Unlike most of you I’m sure. Ha! I have had some very supposedly challenging times. Recently I was able to both ask for help and greatfully accept it when it arrived. I also found immense peace inside of the seemingly unfun experience. It was truly great. I felt nothing could freak me out. I felt serene.
Then, yes then, this man slid effortlessly into my life and upset my entire equilibrium. It was wonderful and yet it required surrender. Oh that little thing. I have been seemingly (I say this because I know it is a total illusion) been on my own and doing fine thank you very much. OMG yes I wanted a relationship with a real man. Yet when that happened I got to be the woman, receptive, allowing, soft and without my suite of armor. I got to be adored and to allow myself to be taken care of. This is all totally great but not a place I have frequented. Invincible I know. This is new territory and yes I said I wanted this but theory is very different than reality.
I sat in front of my altar for the first two days he was here and just wanted to sob, not cry truly sob. I felt my navel power center just opening up and gushing out of me. I felt like St. Paul the light struck me and I was in the mud face down and helpless. Nowhere to go, nothing to do but surrender. Not to him but to the gift from God he was bringing to me. The protection, the honoring and masculine holding that I had been assuming for so long. It had washed down the tube and I was like very delicate glass.
This vulnerable things was both underrated and overrated. Underrated because no one told me of the massive discomfort oh wait a dear friend had just been through this one and I had told her how lucky she was and that she just needed to let go. So I got to heed my own words. Overrated because vulnerable in the right setting allows us to be the feminine and bring the masculine to the forefront without competition for the same role. You can’t overrate that balance. It brings out the best in both because it means there is trust The letting go requires trust.
I don’t have the perfect answer for you. I will say it is a great time to meditate and be with the feelings that rise and fall. I will say observe, laugh, Delight, and most of all let your gratitude show up in all aspects of your life. Shine it on your partner and know that this is truly Sukh Sahaj Divine ease