The no no’s and their antidotes.

Great Relationships are based on Trust, Honor, and seeing the soul of each other. Feed those and repeat  over and over. Oh please bring a big dose of humor it can save you from battle fatigue.  Meaning you can’t take yourself or the situation to seriously….ever.

I am going to give you the don’ts and then the fixes, the things you want to fixate and feed on. We often get attached to being right and defending our stance so here are my things to avoid unless you are ready to destroy your relationship. Don’t think any of these will be new to you just look at them see which ones you buy into and then really meditate on the flip side of each one. Each weakness is the flip side of our biggest greatness. What we focus on and feed matters. Feed daily on the Do’s The don’ts will dissolve.

Ten no no’s and 10 yes yes’s

  1. Be attached to being right at all costs.
  2. Be unwilling to talk about things
  3. Clam up
  4. Be a bitch or rager
  5. Be a Blamer
  6. Keep score of your partners mess up’s and feed them back on a regular basis
  7. When stressed  act out (in your favorite manner there are many)
  8. Act irrationally on a regular basis
  9. Pit  (fill in the blank) against your partner by telling them about your fights
  10. Speak badly about your partner in public with or without them being present.

Most people know these are recipes for disaster yet we fall into these patterns more often than we care to admit. Then it becomes a pissing contest about who is being worse or more wronged. The great news is we can stop any bad behavior . We can create a red light and then have a positive action to replace it with.

Harmony is priceless and everyone wants to live in it we often don’t feel comfortable being there. We often equate Harmony with boredom and lack of being present. It is none of these. It is vastly being presence and takes some work to stay there but much less work than digging yourself out of the “dog house “ pit.

There are things I call interrupters: Things that break the focus when we are on a tear, a rage, a bitch a whatever. They give us back our real selves. The one we want to be with. Here is one to do instead of clawing eyes out.

Claw Dance

Two steps for a radiant, charismatic energy

Round up and tighten fingers in long clawed-like hands.

Come up tall on your toes swinging the arms out to the sides and up over the head in a big arc motion.  Breath in on the way up while saying “WHO”. Next, squat down while the arms are swinging downward in a big arc. Exhale saying “LA” on the way down. Keep repeating these 2 steps.

1-2 minutes

Gift of doing this

Strengthens thighs and increases energy. Replenishes your energy field and expands awareness. Helps clears the mind when facing challenges.

Use this breath in moments when you need to reclaim yourself from a difficult

situation, a frustrating moment, or when really angry.

Dragon breath will bring expansion.

Inhale with eyes closed in four equal parts through the nose or mouth, then exhale by extending your tongue out as far as possible and opening your eyes as wide open as you can. Share this with your children. Look at yourself in the mirror when doing this, and you will get another benefit: taking yourself lightly it is a very funny sight.  Do it in the middle of a fight see what happens. Focus Shifts, negative interlock breaks. Try it and see.


Benefits: here are your ten Great embracers.

  1. 1. Be Flexible
  2. 2. Practice Communicating, Practice listening whether you feel like it or not.
  3. 3. Open up. Don’t dump just trust.
  4. 4. Relate to the wisdom in yourself and your partner
  5. 5. Be the Claimer: Recite to yourself the things you love about your partner
  6. 6. Forgive yourself and your partner. Allow the possibilities of change for the better
  7. 7. When Stressed know what you need. Make a list when you are not stressed. Exercise, meditate, take a bath, hugs etc. eating not on the list.
  8. 8. Practice calm understanding everyone can fall apart it’s not sexy
  9. 9. Don’t share your fights with others unless they help you see how you contributed
  10. 10. Uplift your partner by how you speak to, with and about him/her.


Sounds easy right and I know sometimes it is not. We get frustrated. That’s why committed relationships are looked at as one of the most challenging paths. They are great at changing us make the change be one of wisdom, upliftment, vastness . Who wants anything less. It takes day to day moment to moment practice but remember why you fell in love with this person. You SAW them see them again, you will want to do these things.


© Copyright 2011 by Gurutej Khalsa. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: “Written by Gurutej Khalsa, spiritual teacher, writer, speaker, Energy Guru and success coach. Gurutej Khalsa has over 200 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter. Sign in here for your free gift.

Energy Creation Systems | Gurutej