Are you part of the blame game? God knows that our society goes after the blame game with a fury. We want to find out who has done it in each and every situation. Think of all the cop shows that solve the whodunit in a mere 40 min. and all the situations in politics that try to act like they are holding someone accountable but do so in a very unaccountable way. So we are encouraged to place blame.
Accountability and blame are not the same thing. Accountability means there are expectations of a person or situation that are defined with explained or implicit rules. They have agreed to be held to those rules or expectations by their commitment to the job, marriage etc. Blame on the other hand is one person’s self-appointed expectations which are not lived up to. There has been no agreement with the other person on these expectations. There is not common ground to discuss what has gone wrong nor is there a platform for accountability. Why? Because this was not a mutual agreement.
Blame makes the blamer always feel taken advantage of. It always makes the blamer feel disappointed and hurt. Blame always makes the person being blamed feel misunderstood and often angry. It also makes the person being blamed want to get away from the blamer as fast and far as possible.
So what does this all mean? Drop the blame game at all costs. There is no winner. There is nothing to be gained. There is a lot to be lost. We are taught to blame but it is always a lose-lose situation. So if you are a blamer, stop it. Really, just take a 40-day leave or absence knowing you can always reclaim it. Take a step back from yourself and look within from the other person’s perspective. It is like being slimed. Do you want to be the slimer or do you want to be the slimed? If you answer is no to both or even to one, what will you do differently?
I have a recommendation. Every time you want to blame, try this instead. Inhale in 8 parts – little sips in, and exhale out in one big breath. Do this 5 times very powerfully, then go back and think of the situation you wanted to blame someone for and ask for a different perspective. Then be quiet and wait to hear something different that your usual procedure may cause you to be deaf to. It will make you more kind and vast and people will want to be around and be with you more. Wahe Guru love to you.