It’s my beloved Birthday this week. He is not into celebrating it and he is not physically with me for me to celebrate they way I want to. By honoring him in doing just what he wants for the day. He is such an amazing aspect of the infinite that there is truly nothing I would not do for him including allowing him to celebrate or uncelebrate his birthday.
I want to get up on roofs and yell to the world my gratitude to his mother whom I never got to meet for bringing him in. I want to let everyone know so they will do wonderful things letting him know how loved he is yet this is my way not his. I honor his way and still celebrate his life, his consciousness, his fearlessness in looking at what bothers him and not hide it nor hide from it.
I spontaneously write him poems often but tonite trying to write something for him nothing came. Blank in the poetry dept. but not blank in the gratitude department. He is much more linear than I am. I appreciate his planning. He used to create manuals I can barely open one. He will look at a problem on my property and figure out what needs to happen to fix it. I usually pay my handy man and meditate on it sometimes getting great readings on things. He is a Tarus Man much more structured and mental than I am a Pisces woman. I love it and I love sharing the flip side of structure with him.
In the structure of this piece I want to say I have learned so much about relationships, about men, about being a woman, so much about being vulnerable, so much about giving and receiving. I had been on my own for a long time when we met. I had some patterns that weren’t all that inviting. He wore those down with being present. Oh and don’t think he just took it all in and didn’t let me know about things but he did it mostly with such humor or unattached directness that I got to pay attention. We have expanded each others awareness without owning or claiming the other.
He needs quite time. He should have that. I need to travel and teach he supports that. We are so deeply together yet there is no owning. I have no idea if we will be together for all of eternity or just today but for today and all the days to follow I am greatful for this man, this great soul, whose words go deeply into me, who’s hands I adore holding, who I love meditating with and working meditations in a garden and writing copy together. He is both intelligent and wise but most of all he is of vast heart.
He loves all. He gets that love is boundless and there is enough to go round and round circling each and everyone of you. I hope some day soon you will be able to meet him through my eyes, my heart and dance in his vast embrace.
This is an addendum from Keith after he read my blog.
It’s my birthday and I’m not making a thing out of it, not sure why. Not making a thing out of somethings doesn’t mean I am not celebrating it. I have been having wonderful thoughts of my mother who passed in 2005. I have been celebrating with her in my meditations. Also celebrating with my father, brothers, my children and grandchildren. And yes I am celebrating with my Beloved, Gurutej who sees me as vast. She is Vast. She sees me as loving. She is loving. I am Blessed that she is in my life and I in hers. That is my celebration that I see in my heart.
Love and Blessings