I had a realization this morning while teaching. Out of my mouth popped this,” How can you be a light when the load you are carrying is so heavy?” I realized that each moment we get to choose anew what is more important our light or our load. Here we are at this precious time of year we call Solstices. Precious because it beckons us to get really connected. We do, we connect with everyone but ourselves.
Winter Solstice is the feminine Solstices we reach the darkest moment on our side of the planet. We sometimes also meet our own personal darkest moment here. We think it is our families, the stress of the holidays, or here in Southern California the fact that our foundations and our roofs are not faring well in this incessant rain. Truly it is none of those. This is the time of year to sit in darkness with your own darkness. We usually like to run away from or distract ourselves out of being with our own darkness.
So interesting that only in darkness can you really see the light, literally and figuratively. The birth of light on this planet and your own desire to have your internal flame lite is happening very strongly right now. You can work with the forces at work here and donate some time to just being with you or you can stay super busy and miss the opportunity that the universe is giving you so you can get lit.
A light, a star, a sun, don’t just pop into being they take millions of years to create or at least to be seen by us. Your light will grow as you are willing to be with your darkness. Tell you a fun story. Millareppa was sent off to a cave by himself by his teacher to face his fear. One day after meditating he heard loud bells and clanging noises accompanied by a truly awful steanch. He knew it must be connected to him becasue he was out in the jungle away from everyone. He went to his cave door and there they were a band of what we would call tattered monsters today. Scruffy and scary looking. He recognized them as his fears but wondered what he was supposed to do with them. His teacher did not tell him what to do. He decided to greet them. He bowed and said, ” Welcome.” Half ,yes half of them, vanished. So he decided to follow his instincts and invited the remaining ones in to his cave. Again they reduced in considerable numbers. So he asked them to please sit down another bunch “poof”. Only 3 remained. He then said I will go make tea for us. two more gone. When he returned with tea they were all gone. If you want your fears to vanish be kind and compassionate. Ask what then what they came to teach you. Don’t let them tell you tales of past. Tell them “Right now what have you come for? No digressions right now.” Then listen deeply very deeply.
Once we stop retreating they loose their power and the light starts growing. Once our pain gets to ginormous we are willing to change do something we might have thought of as weird. We need enough darkness to feel the mystery of the feminine. We need enough darkness to truly witness the birth of light, the light, our light, to dump the darkness we are being stifled by. Waking up for the light is being born again . Compassion is reining and we get to see it, feel it rejoice in it. Dump the load, your load and let yourself be lite.